ccurzio
05-23-2012, 09:00 AM
I love our community. Seriously. The amount of knowledge and ability here never fails to amaze me on an almost daily basis. Most everyone here is very friendly and willing to provide whatever they can offer, and that's great. What's not great? Some of the atrocious spelling and grammar I see strewn about the forums. It makes me stabby when I see a really informative post conveyed with some really bad English. So in the spirit of giving, I offer the following first-grade English lesson.
NUMBER ONE OFFENDER: Your/You're. Oh god please make it stop. I'm going to beat you clowns with a sausage until you get it right.
Your: A possessive. Always. As in, "Where's your Flux Capacitor?"
You're: A contraction of "you are". Always. As in, "If you want to go fast in that car, you're going to need a new engine."
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "you are" and your sentence no longer makes sense, you're using the wrong word.
NUMBER TWO OFFENDER: Their/They're/There. Similar to the Your/You're fiasco, this also deserves sausage beating. In this case I'm also going to grind up the sausage and cram it down your pants. Then I'm going to put a dead fish in the back of your car.
Their: A possessive. Always. As in, "When did they get their cars get back from DPI?"
They're: A contraction of "They Are". Always. As in, "They're all going to the next SEDOC Tech Day."
There: Everything else. Usually refers to a place, but can also refer to more ambiguous ideas. As in "I keep my 10mm socket in the drawer over there." or "There is a dead fish in the back of my car. How did it get there?"
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "they are" and your sentence no longer makes sense, you're using the wrong word. If after that, you determine that the word you're using is "there" and the word that follows it is a noun, you're still using the wrong word.
NUMBER THREE OFFENDER: Apostrophe misuse. This is a more general problem since it rears its ugly head when your ugly face makes all kinds of different mistakes. Now I set you, your car, the sausage and the fish on fire.
It's: A contraction of "it is" or "it has". As in, "I'm replacing the fuel pump in my DeLorean with the new combo unit from DMCH. It's really nice because it's got an integrated sender."
Its: A possessive. Always. As in, "My angle drive is busted because its gears are completely stripped."
Pluralization: You never ever ever ever ever use an apostrophe to pluralize a word. Ever. These are all incorrect: "I love my car's."; "My relay's are all bad."; "How many DMC's went to DCS?"; "How many DCS's have there been?" No. Wrong. The plural of "car" is "cars". The plural of "relay" is "relays". The plural of "DMC" is "DMCs". The plural of "DCS" is "DCSes".
Abbreviation: Proper apostrophe usage also includes their use as an abbreviation. The most common abbreviation usage is, as previously discussed, in conjunctions ("you're" to shorten "you are", "they're" to shorten "they are", "you'll" to shorten "you will", etc.). You can, however, use them to replace things in an understood context. For example, you can abbreviate 1980s as '80s. (You'll notice that I didn't say 1980's. That's because that is incorrect, unless you're referring to something specifically owned by 1980 as in "1980's Top 40". Likewise, the Top 40 for 1981 would be "1981's Top 40".)
MISCELLANEOUS:
Who's/Whose: More often than not, I see "who's" used as a possessive, as in "Who's wrench is this?" This would seem to make sense because an apostrophe followed by an "s" is used to indicate possession as in "That is Chris's wrench." But "who's" as a possessive is incorrect. It should be "Whose wrench is this?", as the word "whose" (like "your") is an indicator of possession. The appropriate use of "who's" is as a contraction of "who is" or "who has"? As in, "Who's going to DCS?" or "Who's got a spare passenger door lock solenoid?"
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "who is" and then "who has" and your sentence no longer makes sense in either case, you're using the wrong word.
A lot/Allot/Alot: "Alot" is not a word. Period. "Allot" means "to allocate" or "to distribute" as in, "I'm going to allot the majority of DCS raffle tickets to the owner of VIN 5311." Finally, "a lot" means "several" as in, "There are a lot of people who use bad grammar!"
Lose/Loose: The word "lose" means either the opposite of "win", or "to misplace". As in, "How will you kill yourself if you lose the DCS raffle?" or "How did you lose your coolant tank cap?" The word "loose" means "not tight". Always. As in, "I guess my coolant tank cap came loose somehow."
Wierd: This is not a word. Period. It's spelled "weird".
Then/Than: It seems "than" is rapidly being forgotten by most internet users as having ever existed. The word "then" is used for time progression, as in "I'm going to get in my DeLorean and then I'm going to drive it." The word "than" is used in comparisons, as in "The DMC-12's PRV6 has more power than a Reliant Robin." They are not interchangeable.
There. Please also note that I've pre-empted you nitpickers who are about to reply with "This isn't English class!" by providing an English class. Eat that, suckers.
NUMBER ONE OFFENDER: Your/You're. Oh god please make it stop. I'm going to beat you clowns with a sausage until you get it right.
Your: A possessive. Always. As in, "Where's your Flux Capacitor?"
You're: A contraction of "you are". Always. As in, "If you want to go fast in that car, you're going to need a new engine."
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "you are" and your sentence no longer makes sense, you're using the wrong word.
NUMBER TWO OFFENDER: Their/They're/There. Similar to the Your/You're fiasco, this also deserves sausage beating. In this case I'm also going to grind up the sausage and cram it down your pants. Then I'm going to put a dead fish in the back of your car.
Their: A possessive. Always. As in, "When did they get their cars get back from DPI?"
They're: A contraction of "They Are". Always. As in, "They're all going to the next SEDOC Tech Day."
There: Everything else. Usually refers to a place, but can also refer to more ambiguous ideas. As in "I keep my 10mm socket in the drawer over there." or "There is a dead fish in the back of my car. How did it get there?"
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "they are" and your sentence no longer makes sense, you're using the wrong word. If after that, you determine that the word you're using is "there" and the word that follows it is a noun, you're still using the wrong word.
NUMBER THREE OFFENDER: Apostrophe misuse. This is a more general problem since it rears its ugly head when your ugly face makes all kinds of different mistakes. Now I set you, your car, the sausage and the fish on fire.
It's: A contraction of "it is" or "it has". As in, "I'm replacing the fuel pump in my DeLorean with the new combo unit from DMCH. It's really nice because it's got an integrated sender."
Its: A possessive. Always. As in, "My angle drive is busted because its gears are completely stripped."
Pluralization: You never ever ever ever ever use an apostrophe to pluralize a word. Ever. These are all incorrect: "I love my car's."; "My relay's are all bad."; "How many DMC's went to DCS?"; "How many DCS's have there been?" No. Wrong. The plural of "car" is "cars". The plural of "relay" is "relays". The plural of "DMC" is "DMCs". The plural of "DCS" is "DCSes".
Abbreviation: Proper apostrophe usage also includes their use as an abbreviation. The most common abbreviation usage is, as previously discussed, in conjunctions ("you're" to shorten "you are", "they're" to shorten "they are", "you'll" to shorten "you will", etc.). You can, however, use them to replace things in an understood context. For example, you can abbreviate 1980s as '80s. (You'll notice that I didn't say 1980's. That's because that is incorrect, unless you're referring to something specifically owned by 1980 as in "1980's Top 40". Likewise, the Top 40 for 1981 would be "1981's Top 40".)
MISCELLANEOUS:
Who's/Whose: More often than not, I see "who's" used as a possessive, as in "Who's wrench is this?" This would seem to make sense because an apostrophe followed by an "s" is used to indicate possession as in "That is Chris's wrench." But "who's" as a possessive is incorrect. It should be "Whose wrench is this?", as the word "whose" (like "your") is an indicator of possession. The appropriate use of "who's" is as a contraction of "who is" or "who has"? As in, "Who's going to DCS?" or "Who's got a spare passenger door lock solenoid?"
Protip: If you replace the word in question with "who is" and then "who has" and your sentence no longer makes sense in either case, you're using the wrong word.
A lot/Allot/Alot: "Alot" is not a word. Period. "Allot" means "to allocate" or "to distribute" as in, "I'm going to allot the majority of DCS raffle tickets to the owner of VIN 5311." Finally, "a lot" means "several" as in, "There are a lot of people who use bad grammar!"
Lose/Loose: The word "lose" means either the opposite of "win", or "to misplace". As in, "How will you kill yourself if you lose the DCS raffle?" or "How did you lose your coolant tank cap?" The word "loose" means "not tight". Always. As in, "I guess my coolant tank cap came loose somehow."
Wierd: This is not a word. Period. It's spelled "weird".
Then/Than: It seems "than" is rapidly being forgotten by most internet users as having ever existed. The word "then" is used for time progression, as in "I'm going to get in my DeLorean and then I'm going to drive it." The word "than" is used in comparisons, as in "The DMC-12's PRV6 has more power than a Reliant Robin." They are not interchangeable.
There. Please also note that I've pre-empted you nitpickers who are about to reply with "This isn't English class!" by providing an English class. Eat that, suckers.